


What Was Made Of Me

by Adarian



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-13
Updated: 2015-11-13
Packaged: 2018-05-01 11:47:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5204729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adarian/pseuds/Adarian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the Arishok accompanies the Hero of Ferelden to Skyhold, Iron Bull is shocked to discover that the pair are in a romantic relationship. Feeling confused and betrayed, he is forced to examine his own faith. He must decide whether or not to report his leader to the Ariqun or if love is allowable living under the Qun. Written for a kink-meme prompt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Was Made Of Me

Iron Bull was very rarely asked to be part of official Inquisition welcoming parties. For decent reason, of course. Having a burly Qunari spy greeting those coming into Skyhold would be near political suicide and give poor Josephine a heart attack. 

This, however, was a special occasion and one that had no precedent. The Arishok was coming to visit Skyhold. That wasn't even the strangest part. He was bringing the Hero of Ferelden with him.

The entire Keep was buzzing with the news and Bull made sure to keep his ear to the ground, making sure no anti-Qunari sentiment would arise at an inopportune moment. He had little doubt the Arishok could handle himself, but one of the big bosses making a smear of an angry Ferelden peasant would be unfortunate.

The Chargers kept asking him if he was nervous, but as Iron Bull reminded, he didn't actually report to the Arishok. He said he would give a political history lesson later, which only caused groans.

Adaar was the one who was nervous, as her father had actually reported to the previous Arishok and had abandoned his post. And she was Saarebas. Iron Bull tried to convince her that the meeting would go well, but that was mostly a bluff. He had no idea what was going to happen when the Arishok's party came through those gates, but it had the potential to go very badly. 

To the surprise of the war council, diplomats, and the Inquisitor herself, only two people came across the bridge, both dressed in simple traveling clothes. There was a notable height difference between them, making it quite obvious which of them was which. The little elf woman crossed the threshold first and took off her hood.

"You must be Adaar," she greeted, sticking out her hand. "Warden Tabris, at your service. I hope you've got a room ready for me, friend, because I am in a mighty need of a nap and some lunch."

Adaar grinned. "Of course."

Her smile faltered as the Arishok made his way to her, his stern eyes meeting hers.

"It is good to meet you, Inquisitor," he said, bowing his head slightly. 

The Arishok saw Iron Bull and nodded briefly to him before following the Inquisitor and the Warden into the castle. Iron Bull felt utterly confused about what exactly had just happened.

***

Iron Bull was brought in to the Inquisitor and the Arishok's discussions mainly because Adaar was still worried he'd murder her in her sleep. Bull doubted it. He had met the previous Arishok when he was younger and the man scared the living shit out of you just by acknowledging you. This Arishok was dour, but he seemed relatively peaceful. Bull could see why he was selected. This was not a man who picked fights without reason. It was probably why he had decided to travel without guard into Ferelden. The Arishok knew this country better than most of his men anyways, if the stories were true, and he was less likely to draw attention. It was...a surprisingly deft move. 

The Arishok mainly listened as Adaar spoke, his violet eyes intent on her. Finally when she finished, her hands shaking slightly, the Arishok shifted forward in his seat.

"You are afraid," he said softly.

Adaar nodded.

"You are a healer, not a warrior," the Arishok said. "This is not what you chose...but we rise to our new positions as we are called. Find peace in that, Adaar, and you will no longer be afraid."

Adaar's face softened and the Arishok continued, "The Ariqun has spoken of a potential alliance between my people and yours. I see the wisdom in this now. It may not come to pass, but I will tell her of what I have seen today."

"You and the Warden will dine with us tonight?" Adaar asked hopefully.

"As you wish," he replied. 

The Arishok rose, nodding to them both. He left the room, leaving the other two to look at each other in dismay.

"Well," Adaar sighed, "this is going to be interesting."

***

The dining hall was set for a relatively small party. Iron Bull arrived nearly late, having difficulty finding a shirt that would actually fit him. He snuck in the best he could and sat near the end of the table. He looked over in surprise to see Dorian beside him.

Iron Bull asked, "What are you-"

Dorian said eagerly, "I wanted to see the Arishok. If I'm going to be a traitor to my country, I really should go all the way. Besides, Adaar said he was so nice to her. I want to see if he's really that polite to an evil Tevinter mage."

Bull warned, "Just because he's civil now doesn't mean he always will be. You shouldn't be here. Dorian, please-"

"Oh don't "Dorian, please" me," he replied, rolling his eyes. "I was invited. I'm not rude enough to crash a diplomatic dinner."

Iron Bull growled slightly, "The Inquisitor should know better than to put you in danger like this."

"She didn't invite me," Dorian said in confusion. "Warden Tabris did."

Iron Bull glanced down the table, seeing the elven woman deep in conversation with Blackwall, recently revealed to be Thom Rainier. She had an oddly gentle smile, which contradicted every report he had ever gotten of her cursing more than an Antivan pirate on shore leave. 

"Why?" Bull asked.

Dorian shrugged. "I didn't complain. The best bit now is actually seeing you with your tits tucked away. You actually almost look civilized right now."

Bull grinned. "How nice of you to notice."

"Don't get carried away. I said "almost". That's hardly a compliment."

"I think it's the nicest thing you've ever said to me, Dorian. I'm tearing up."

Dorian tried not to smile. "Please, my dear, not in front of the Arishok. If he realizes your true feelings for me, he'll fire you and you'll have to live with the rest of us heathens forever."

"It'd be worth it."

Iron Bull hadn't realized the words had slipped out at first and only Dorian's amused smile clued him in to what he had just insinuated. 

"I meant that-"

They both looked as Adaar stood, tapping a spoon against her glass.

"A toast," she said, "to collaboration."

The Arishok frowned and the Warden leaned over, whispering something in his ear. His face relaxed. Bull figured it out quickly. The closest word in Qunlat to "collaborate" meant to work with an enemy. Clearly Tabris knew Qunlat well enough to recognize the translation issue and avoid the misunderstanding. 

Which begged the question of how exactly did a Grey Warden from Ferelden become so versed in a language so foreign to her?

The Arishok rose and lifted his glass of water. "To cooperation."

When the Arishok sat again, Iron Bull swore he could see Tabris squeeze his knee under the table. The Arishok gave the Warden a ghost of a smile. 

While he would have loved to continue teasing Dorian over dinner, Iron Bull suddenly fixed his attention on the pair. Something felt wrong.

***

Iron Bull was normally not agile enough to effectively sneak up on someone, but the Arishok seemed so distracted in his own thoughts that he either didn't notice or didn't care that Iron Bull was following him. 

Iron Bull hid behind a pillar in the empty hallway watching as the Arishok leaned against the wall, sighing. He shifted slightly, seeing Tabris walking towards him.

"I saw you yawning at dinner. The time change got you again, didn't it? You should get some rest," Tabris said. "You're an old man now, you need to get your sleep."

To Iron Bull's surprise, the Arishok chuckled, "And you are so much younger than I? Soon your hair will be as white as mine, Luthien."

Her name had been said so softly, so gently, as if the Arishok feared to break it. 

"I'm barely 30," Tabris reminded. "You're what, maybe 50? 90? Who knows how your record keeping works anyways."

The Arishok gently pushed her away. "Leave me be."

Tabris frowned. "What's wrong?"

"We should not speak of it here," the Arishok said quietly. 

"I thought that went well," Tabris said, leaning on the wall beside him.

"Well is relative," the Arishok replied. "The Inquisitor is inexperienced and she deals with magic beyond her capability. I do not know if you can trust her, no matter how noble her intentions. Do not reveal the secrets of your Order to her yet. She has enough power she could destroy your Wardens...and there is little I could do to keep you safe."

"I can take care of myself, you know that," Tabris said. "I'm worried about you."

"You need not, kadan," he murmured. "We will talk later."

"Meet me at my room in an hour," Tabris whispered. 

"It is not wise."

"I gave you an order, Arishok," she teased.

The Arishok looked at her longingly as she walked away. Iron Bull felt sick to his stomach. Kadan was a fluid word in Qunlat, one between those close enough to be of one heart. It was not necessarily a romantic word. It would still fit with everything he had heard about their relationship. A close friendship formed in the fires of battle that had lasted for a decade. Warden Tabris had served her order in Qunari lands, building a presence and working with the much superior Qunari healers to develop a treatment for the Taint. It was reasonable that she knew Qunlat so well. All could be explained away easily by the Warden, who he had been informed was an excellent liar herself.

Iron Bull thought about letting it go, but the suspicion nagged at him. He needed to investigate it further, he owed it to the Qun.

He found his way to the window outside of Tabris' window, but it was too far from the ground to be able to hear a word. He investigated the space, finally finding a decent hiding spot in the room beside hers.

***

_Tabris paced until she heard the knock at her door. She let Sten in quickly and closed the door behind him. She kissed him hard and he responded in kind, groaning into her mouth._

_"Do not go with them, kadan," he whispered._

_"My duty is to the Wardens," she said softly._

_"And my duty is to you," he said. "Do not go where I cannot protect you, kadan."_

_He kissed her again and took her into his arms. Tabris reached for him, pulling down his trousers. He pressed her against the wall, holding her arms over her head._

_"I can take care of myself," she said firmly._

_"So you claim," he teased._

_She wrapped her legs around his waist and he released her hands. She held him close to her, feeling him hard against her. They struggled with their clothes, eventually falling on the floor. She laughed as he knelt above her._

_"Bed?" She asked._

_He smiled before sitting on the edge of the low mattress. He took off the rest of his clothes and she tossed hers aside. She stood in front of him and he kissed down her belly, bending his head kiss her thighs._

_She pushed him back and straddled him, sinking down onto his cock. It was tight, too tight, but she didn't want to wait. No foreplay. Just him. Now._

_He groaned and she rode him, only pausing while they shifted so he was better balanced on the bed. When she regained her rhythm, he sat up, kissing her. He slipped his thick fingers into the space between them and stroked her clit. She kissed him harder, gripping into his hair. Her breasts brushed against his chest and he bent his head to lick and suck her nipples._

_"I love you," she moaned._

_His breath grew ragged against her skin and his fingers dug into her hips. He growled, taking control of her, thrusting her up and down his cock. She rubbed at her clit as she came, biting down on her other hand to stop from crying out._

_"Kadan," he grunted. "I can't-"_

_"Finish inside of me, love, it's okay," she whispered._

_He groaned, his body trembling against hers. He kissed her hungrily as he thrust into her hard. His seed spurted into her and he threw his head back, grunting. She gripped onto him, riding him as he grew soft. He buried his face in her shoulder._

_He whispered against her skin, "Promise me."_

_"Okay," she murmured, nuzzling against him. "We'll go back to Par Vollen."_

_"No," he said softly. "You should see your father before we go back. He will not forgive me otherwise, nor your cousin."_

_"Denerim isn't exactly close."_

_"It may be a long time before we can return, kadan."_

_"Okay," she agreed._

_"And if this cure of yours is effective," he said, stroking her hip. "I...we will know by then. You may not wish to return with me."_

_"I just promised not to leave you," she joked. "You're not getting rid of me that easily."_

_She kissed him softly and he took her face into his hands._

_"I love you," he whispered._

_They held each other tightly and he nuzzled into her neck. He would have to go back to his room in a few minutes, but for now, they could pretend they were home._

***

Iron Bull felt guilty as hell listening to the entire conversation, but he had needed to hear the Arishok say it himself. He could live in denial until then, explain everything away, make excuses. But he had heard the words: "I love you."

He felt sick. Any other poor sap and he would have just added it to the bottom of a report and send it off to his superiors. But it was the Arishok. THE ARISHOK. This was the backbone of his people, one of only three that determined the fate of the Qunari people and he was head over heels in love with an outsider. Worse still, he was consummating that love seemingly on the regular. That wasn't a bit of rutting, that was love making. That was a relationship. 

If the Ariqun ever even suspected this was happening, the Arishok would be stripped of his rank publically. He might even be killed. Execution was rare, but this was one of the greatest violations he could have committed against the Qunari people. It might even start a civil war; there had been already so many who were against an Arishok who had lived with bas for so long. If it was confirmed that the Arishok had been betraying his people in such a profane way...

That was what it was. Profanity. Sex was fine. Sex was awesome, really. If he had come across the Arishok knocking boots with a random stablehand, he would have just walked on his merry way. But this was a friend, a companion, a...lover. How could the Arishok ever justify this? 

He needed a drink.

***

Iron Bull grabbed a bottle of rum from the bar and went straight to his room, locking the door behind him. He took a deep swig and groaned as it went down. He sat down on the edge of the bed before taking another drink.

He couldn't have been the first person to figure it out. Hell, the Ariqun and Arigena might have already known when they picked him. Hypocrites. All of them.

He gulped down half the bottle before going to his desk. He went through the rest of his reports, ready to be sent in. He could just scrawl it on the bottom, so easily:

_The Arishok is screwing the Hero of Ferelden. Thought you should know._

He scratched behind his horn before taking another drink. He put his papers back down and tossed the pen aside. He'd decide this sober.

Iron Bull heard a knock at his door and he ignored it. The knock grew more incessant and he finally opened it, growling.

Dorian stood at the other side. "Good, you're alive. Krem sent me up since he decided you were less likely to yell at me. I will let him know that you are indeed still breathing."

Iron Bull nodded but said nothing. 

Dorian's face softened. "Are you alright, Bull?"

"You should go," he said.

"This isn't happy drinking," Dorian said, glancing at the nearly empty bottle.

"No, it's not," he admitted. "You should go before..."

Dorian raised an eyebrow. "If this is about earlier, I know you were just joking. You don't have to drink yourself to death out of embarrassment."

"There are things in my life besides you, Dorian," Iron Bull grumbled.

But that was the problem, wasn't it? How easy it was to succumb to your desires. One kiss, a few words whispered in the dark, and every oath he had once sworn would just be ash in his mouth. If he were forced to decide, right there and then, he would hesitate before choosing the Qun over Dorian. And he should never hesitate. That's why love was so dangerous. 

"What's wrong?" Dorian asked.

"You should go," he said once again. 

Dorian finally listened, closing the door behind him. Iron Bull continued to drink until he fell asleep.

***

Iron Bull woke suddenly, hearing the sound of boots crossing his floor. He reached for a dagger, but stopped, seeing the elven woman above him, her sword at his throat.

"Good morning, Hissrad," Tabris greeted. "Are we up for a little chat?"

She sheathed her sword and sat at his card table. She brought out a bottle of whiskey from her bag and several buns of bread.

"Best hangover food, bread," she said through mouthfuls. "And booze, that always helps too. Come on over then. Even if you don't have pants on, I won't pass out on seeing kossith cock for the first time. I imagine you get that reaction a lot, right? My other half had never been with a non-Qunari before me, he was terrified he'd snap me in two, and not in a good way."

Iron Bull froze and she shook her head. "I'm not stupid. You know. We'll talk, but first we'll eat. Your head must be killing you."

Iron Bull came over and sat, she handed him a glass and a small rye roll. When he hesitated, she sighed, pulling a piece off of it and eating it. She then downed his drink before pouring him a second.

"See?" She said, wiping her mouth. "Not poisoned. Go on, this is a friendly chat."

He ate some bread in relative quiet and she sliced some cheese for herself. When she seemed to be satisfied with how much he had eaten, she poured him another glass.

"I imagine you have a lot of questions," she said. "It was probably a bit of a shock. I thought someone was listening, but I wasn't sure it was you until one of your men mentioned you were drowning yourself in bad rum. Thought I'd at least let you sleep it off. You wouldn't remember this conversation otherwise."

"So you two are together?" Iron Bull asked. 

Tabris laughed, "Together? So delicate, that's not like I imagined you would be. But you might be trying to be diplomatic. Yes, we are lovers."

She said "lovers" in a fake Orleasian accent. It made Iron Bull smile.

"If we were two other people," Tabris explained, "we'd probably be married by now. Maybe have a kid or two running around. Maybe a dog. He's always liked dogs. He was heartbroken when my mabari went to live with Alistair. Right, anyways. Yes, all your greatest fears have been realized, Hissrad, your Arishok is fallible."

She handed the bottle to him and he poured himself a drink.

"We got together during the Blight and have stayed together ever since. I functionally left the Wardens to be with him. We were in Seheron when the last Arishok kicked it," Tabris explained, leaning forward. "For about three years at that point we were pretty happily living in sin. He was serving as a diplomat to Ferelden, so we went back and forth a lot. The fact that we were boning was basically the worst kept secret and for the sake of international affairs, everyone looked the other way."

"So what happened?" Iron Bull asked, handing her the bottle.

She poured a drink. "Hawke happened. Not that I blame her. Anyways, the old Arishok was dead. They needed a military leader. The Ariqun and the Arigena tracked him down. They wanted someone "milder", though my other half would get all growly if you called him that. He was someone who foreigners would be less wary of since he served during the Blight. People were mad since there were so many soldiers with higher ranks, but it was a political decision, the Qunari eventually dealt with it. He's also pretty good at it."

"And you?" Bull asked.

Tabris smirked. "I have spent seven years being the mistress of the Arishok. Like I said, worst kept secret. The Ariqun and the Arigena knew. He...well, he actually told them to go to hell the first time they told him he had been called to serve. I had to talk him into it. I knew he would do a lot of good. So I've done a lot of wheeling and dealing since then. I am the Hero of Ferelden though, so people tend to cut me some slack. The Ariqun "secretly" sends the odd agent after me, but I killed the Archdemon, so not really a big deal. I usually end up sending the poor kids home with a fruit basket. Or I conscript them if I'm really pissed off."

Tabris finished her drink and poured another. "So the question is, Hissrad, what are you going to do with the information I've given you?"

"Will you have me killed if I reveal it?" Iron Bull asked, half joking.

Tabris hesitated and shook her head. "No, I wouldn't. The problem is, even if we broke up, the damage is done. He'd...he'd probably be given over for reeducation and a little birdy told me that you once went through that enlightening experience."

Iron Bull shivered slightly and she poured him a drink. "So you have to ask yourself a question then. Well, two really. One: do you want to put the Qun through that? Two: do you really believe he's done something wrong?"

Iron Bull drank slowly as she continued, "My guess is that you've already decided not to say anything because it's better for your homeland. But you're debating the second one. It opens things up, doesn't it? Especially with that mage of yours."

Iron Bull coughed on the drink and Tabris chuckled, "I thought I was right. I grew up a little thug in an Alienage. I've spent a lifetime learning what men want and how to use it to my advantage. I try to only use that for good now, but old habits die-hard. I imagine you've been trained similarly." 

"I do not wish to continue having this conversation," Iron Bull said firmly.

She put her hands up. "Whatever you want. Just think about what I've said."

Tabris stood up. "And Bull, I lied earlier. If you ever try to hurt the man I love, I will utterly destroy you. And believe me that I am very capable delivering on that promise." 

"I would expect no less, Warden," he chuckled.

She smiled, taking the bottle with her as she left the room. 

Iron Bull finished the rest of the food quietly. When he finished, he went to his desk and picked up his pen. He dipped it into the ink, hesitating before placing it on the page. 

_The Arishok seemed in good health and was well received._

He folded it and headed into the castle. He needed to find a raven.

***

A few days later, Tabris and the Arishok prepared to leave with a caravan heading towards Denerim. While the merchants readied their wagons in the courtyard, the Warden and Adaar walked the grounds, talking intently. Iron Bull watched from parapets, leaning on the wall. He looked up, startled to see the Arishok walking towards him. Iron Bull bowed his head quickly.

"I have come to see the mountains for a last time," the Arishok said quietly. "I will not disturb you if you wish for quiet."

The Arishok looked out onto the Frostback and Iron Bull found himself standing beside him. The Arishok had a faint smile on his face.

"There are few of us who travel so far south. It is strange how one grows so used to the cold so quickly. I find myself missing Ferelden at times, even though I despised it when I lived here. I was alone and I was afraid. Those who live in Qunari lands do not know what it means to be so profoundly alone," he admitted. "I was dying when she found me. She took a chance. I was a criminal and unworthy, but she saw something worthwhile. I went from a convict in a cage to the leader of our people because of her."

Iron Bull was unsure what to say and so he simply waited for the Arishok to continue, "I say this to you now because I see the same heart in your Inquisitor. She is a woman who believes in the good of others. I cannot officially keep a presence here in order to protect her, but I can ask you to watch over her. I do not know what all of this will mean for our people, but I believe that we must keep those we can trust in power. Report to me directly if you have any concerns for her safety, not to your superiors. Please trust me when I say that you should be careful with what you share from now on, for both the Inquisitor's sake and your own." 

"It is hard to trust a man who betrays the Qun," Iron Bull admitted. 

"You might think that I am less of a man for choosing to be with her, but I was less than an animal when she met me," the Arishok said. "When I was in Ferelden, I learned that we must choose carefully who we follow. Blind loyalty led to a massacre in Kirkwall, on both sides. You do not owe me allegiance because that is what you must do. I call on you to serve, but it is you who decides to answer."

"I will do as you ask," Iron Bull replied, "for now."

The Arishok nodded. "Thank you, Hissrad."

The Arishok reached out to the mountains as it began to snow. He smiled slightly before walking back down to the courtyard. Iron Bull watched as the Arishok met Tabris' side, the Qunari taking her hand ever so briefly in his.

***

"Well, I have to say that I'm glad that's over," Adaar said, shuffling the cards. "It's too much pressure having the head of the biggest army on Thedas breathing down your neck."

"I liked him," Sera chirped. "He actually asked me for my cookie recipe and then gave me his. It's actually really good!"

Dorian said excitedly, "You need to give me a copy of that to send to Maevaris. She will absolutely die. She'll be the talk of the rebellion!"

Iron Bull listened in as the others discussed the Arishok, but he was lost in his own thoughts. He eventually folded his hand and went up to his own room, closing the door behind him. He was too distracted to notice Dorian following behind him. The mage snuck into his room.

"This is an intervention," Dorian proclaimed. "If all that heavy drinking was due to the Arishok being here, then you have no excuse anymore. I will not have you pickle your liver for whatever it is that's bothering you."

Iron Bull chuckled, "You're worried about me."

"Of course I am," Dorian admitted. 

Iron Bull hesitated before kissing him. Dorian looked surprised and held him at arm's length. Dorian kissed him back and Iron Bull pulled him closer. Dorian smiled nervously before kissing him again.

"I admire you," Iron Bull confessed. "I have for some time. I think you knew that."

"I like you too, but I thought the Qun forbid love," Dorian said, trying to sound nonchalant but failing.

"I did too," he murmured.

Iron Bull kissed Dorian softly, stroking his cheek. Dorian would leave soon after, sensing that Iron Bull needed some space. They promised to talk soon. Iron Bull smiled, sighing in relief as he sat on the bed. It would take him some time to get used to this without feeling guilt, but right now he felt hope.

**Author's Note:**

> I think it would take you all of five seconds to figure out that I am a huge Qunari nerd. And love Sten. So much. So of course I was going to fill this one! I have a lot of head canons about Qunari politics post Kirkwall so they're sprinkled throughout. I apologize for my nerdiness. But never for my love of Sten.


End file.
